that was me, being wrong

There is no toss-up.

Sleep does NOT win out over flying trapeze. I think maybe nothing wins out over flying trapeze. OHMYGOD that was fun. Beyond fun. My hands are rubbed raw and I will be too sore to move a muscle in the morning, and it's worth all that AND too little sleep, and then some.

Anyone want to go to trapeze class with me next week?

way past my bedtime

And I thought last night was late, after getting home at 12:30 from a long-overdue friend visit that turned into me crouching by his computer "watching" the exciting end of the Twins game (Go Twinks!). But this is Friday night, after all. And there's nothing like a good old debate-watching party to lift the spirits (the liberal ingestion of, um, spirits helps too). Now it's 2:00am, which is really an absurdly late hour to be awake, what with having flying trapeze class in the morning.

I think it's going to be canceled because of rain, though. And given that I would need to get up for it in six hours, give or take, I actually almost hope it's canceled, especially if they reschedule for next week. Hm, flying through the air vs. getting more sleep. It's a toss-up.

Even before trapeze class, I can say with sincerity - but don't just take my word on this; go find out for yourself - there is nothing like flying through the air to remind you that you love life.


By the way, since it's now the job of the internet to tell us who won the debate, here's my take... I think Obama was great, I think McCain looks kind of pathetic when he tries to have that smirky grin on his face, and I think we'll know on Nov. 5 who won the debate.

you heard it here first

Because I have officially lost faith that good intentions can prevail over ego and incompetence and bureaucracy in the work world (yup, and I've been in the work world only five years. Impressive, no?)...

Because I miss the world of ideas, and haggling over theory and dissecting structural violence and privilege and writing papers instead of sleeping enough (I'm not sure about that last one, but it seems to go with the others, so I may as well embrace it)...

Because reading for pleasure is just too much fun...

Because maybe, maybe, if I play my cards right and things fall into place, I'll come out on the other side more employable...

Because I'm totally in love with where I live, so clearly I need to move...

Because massive debt is fun...

... I think I'm going to try to go to grad school next fall.

And because if two years worth of massive debt is fun, three years must be even more fun...

... I think I want to get a dual Master's degree in International Affairs and Urban and Environmental Policy and Planning.

And if we're really dreaming big here, then maybe I want to go from there and get a Ph.D. and teach college students how to be critical thinkers and social activists.

There, I said it.

That's the hard part, right? Saying it out loud, declaring it to the world? Taking the GRE, applying to school, going to school, and somehow paying for school are the easy parts, yes? I'm sure I read that somewhere once.

best idea ever

The following message was forwarded to me this morning. I acted on it and I hope you will too. Why? Because protest is good, and hilarious protest that supports great organizations is even better.

Subject: FW: Best Idea Ever!

Dear Friends, We may have thought we wanted a woman on a national political ticket, but the joke may have been on us. Are you frightened as I am by Palin's position on women's issues? May I pass along the following fiendishly brilliant idea?

Make a donation to Planned Parenthood. Of any amount, in Sarah Palin's name. Here's the best part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor. It won't change the election but it will support an important organization and it will make women's voices heard. Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

You'll need to check 'make honorary or memorial gift,' and fill in the name of the person you want to 'honor,' i.e. Palin. Fill in the address to let PP know where to send the 'in Sarah Palin's honor' card. If you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters, they'll get the message.

McCain's headquarters address:

McCain for President
John McCain 2008
P.O. Box 16118
Arlington, VA 22215

Please free to send this along to all your women -- and men friends and urge them to do the same.

what this is

This is a grieving process. I realized it this past weekend, while I mercifully escaped into the Cheese Queen's gorgeously nutty house in Ashfield, MA for a harmony singing workshop with the lovely Val Mindel and Emily Miller. Mostly I kept my mind off work, as there was enough to occupy my brain. But several times I did suddenly realize that my mind had wandered back into the minefield and I had to go retrieve it before anything bad happened.

During one of those wanderings, I guess, it came to me that part of the reason I feel like I'm on a constant emotional roller coaster is that I'm grieving for what could have been, for the possibilities of my job that will now never be realized.

Except until certain things happen, it's more like grieving for someone that has a terminal illness but hasn't yet died. Or being in a relationship that has a predetermined end date. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. I'm not saying that this is as bad as dealing with a loved one's terminal illness; thank God I don't know from experience. But in a way it's not terribly different. When you have a vision of your life that's pretty great, and pretty much on-track, and suddenly it's thrown out the window and there's apparently nothing you can do about it, that feels pretty major.

I will be fine, one way or another. As Billy Jonas sings (six or seven times a day on my iPod these days), "any way you go you're gonna get there." Obviously there are oodles of privilege running around my life, and no matter what happens I will find a way to land on my feet, and even (though I don't want to jinx anything there) stay in my wonderful new apartment and keep dancing and singing.

I just have to grieve a while first.

better today

The FCC has declared my self-exposure yesterday as slightly less appropriate and far less culturally significant than Janet Jackson's nipple at the Super Bowl. I am therefore dutifully bleeping it out of existence.

Apparently last night I needed to have a tantrum to the internet. Today I need to keep my shirt on and apologize for outburst.

Yesterday was, indeed, a really bad day. I am still struggling with all of that, and in some ways probably will forever, as it re-emphasizes questions I've had for a while now about personal and professional priorities, the purpose (if there is one) of ambition as it's traditionally defined, and what's really important in life. I continue to be pretty disappointed in our culture's mainstream answers to these questions, and to be unsure of whether the most sane response is to fight the system or go live off the grid in the woods somewhere.

And then I got a good night's sleep and woke up this morning deciding that my current situation is what it is, and I will fight it and stand up for myself and make whatever decisions I need to make, but I will not wallow in depression over stupidity I have no control over, and I will not let it take over my life.

You're probably as relieved as I am. As is the FCC. Just trust me on that.

and...?

This post has been removed.

and in other news

What if, in order to maintain my dignity and integrity, I have to quit my job next week?

Wouldn't that be interesting?

feeling less alone

I don't think anyone is more surprised than me that my very favorite thing to read on the internet, besides the webpage of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (yes, really) is a blog by an ex-Mormon married mother in suburban Utah. Then again, she somehow appeals to a whole lot of us, apparently. And today I love her more than pretty much ever before.

And here's my favorite comment on the post (though I did not read all 452 of them), from someone named Adrienne:

"I keep looking at Palin like, really? that's...the best they could come up with? And I'm not a little bit offended that the Republican party seems to think I'll look at her and say "OMG, *you* have ovaries? *I* have ovaries! I should TOTALLY vote for you and that guy who was lobotomized by the Republican party two years ago in return for the CHANCE of being president!" As though, perhaps, the presence of my ovaries renders me retarded..."

time bomb

I may not really blog at all over the next ten weeks, but rather just pass along the excellent points of others. Like this one, the full title of which I'm going to share because it's just so good (as is the article):

Ask Not What Bristol Palin Can Do For You, Ask What Sarah Palin Can Do For Your Pregnant Daughter.


Is anyone else terrified at the thought of Sarah Palin being one (old, jowly) heartbeat away from the Presidency? Why isn't EVERYONE terrified at that thought? I'm not saying that as a proud liberal, feminist and Obama supporter; I'm saying it as someone who feels really lucky in life in this country and on this planet, who is scared and saddened more than enough at the current state of things and the dire need for us to begin repairing some of the damage of not just the past eight years but really the past 50 or 100.

How in the world does anyone think she could do a good job as President? From what I've seen so far, her greatest strength is that she's good at biting retorts and degrading comments, not to mention glossing over hypocrisy on personal vs social issues (see link above). Good for campaigns, useless and dangerous in leadership.

But then, it's starkly obvious that John McCain's campaign is only about getting to the Presidency, not being a good President. It's insulting to me, particularly as a woman, and, frankly, it's pathetic. Or would be if it weren't so scary.

Oops, I guess I just blogged after all.

in case you missed this

If you didn't read my most recent post, and haven't been watching the news OH WAIT THEY HAVEN'T REALLY MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, here are some links to more info about the raids, arrests and general intimidation of protesters and journalists by St. Paul police and National Guard troops at the RNC. As a former St. Paul resident, I am ashamed of the city I once proudly called home.

those were the days

I miss the days (oh wait, maybe they never existed) when the right to freedom of speech and assembly meant something, don't you?