paradoxes and drains

There comes a point in packing for a big move at which all the "easy" stuff is packed and you're suddenly at a loss as to how to pack the rest. Empty bookshelves stare at you, lulling you into thinking you've packed so much! take a break! it's OK to come home from too many hours at work and just go to bed, there's not so much to go...

Except there is. Particularly when you are a pack rat, the child of pack rats, genetically obligated to keep every issue of Utne Reader you've received since 2004, stacked neatly next to the two disposable cameras that you've owned since before the advent of digital photography, because you never know when your digital camera might eat your film camera (which you never use but for which you still own extra rolls of film, which also have to be packed) and cause an emergency need for a backup $3 Fujifilm that's been sitting around so long the film in it is actually fossilized. Because God forbid you had to walk the two blocks to the nearest drugstore and purchase a new disposable camera in such a situation. There would obviously be no time for that. We're talking real emergencies here, people. Same reason to keep the cute little travel votive candles that some secret, unimaginative Santa gave you at some point in high school. YOU NEVER KNOW.

But I actually still go back through and read the Utne Readers now and then. Really.

I have a feeling of envy mixed with curiosity and a little awe for those people who can't stand clutter, whose homes contain no scattered magazines, no scraps of paper scrawled with important notes and phone numbers, no random envelopes from their health insurance companies or the tax guy or Paul Newman asking for help saving the oceans. How do they remember the important bits of information? How do they remember to send stuff to the insurance company or the tax guy? Don't they realize that Paul Newman is still quite attractive, considering that he's 112 years old?

The truth is I don't really want to be one of those people. It's too sterile a lifestyle for me. I just want to be a little more like them than I am now, and moving is the best and worst time to try to realize that goal. Part of me wants to purge it all, chuck it in the garbage or Goodwill bag, and another part just wants to put it all in boxes and deal with it later, because I am working until 8:00 at night and feeling guilty for leaving so early when there's so much more to do, and feeling so exhausted when I get home that it's far more comforting to look at the empty shelves and sink into a false sense of accomplishment than to pack, much less actually sort things and think about what I'm packing.

Why is it that the times in life that most demand energy and patience and perseverance are the same times that cause the reserves of such qualities to run low? [insert whiny voice] It's not fair.

wow

Check out this frozen tidal wave

i do miss that place

I have had a mysterious 999-999-9999 number showing up as a missed call on my cell phone recently, without ever getting a voicemail. The night before last, as I was working late, it called again, and I was bored and curious so I answered it. Sure enough, it was a telemarketer. From the St Paul Chamber Orchestra, to which I used to give money back in the day (because it's an incredible ensemble; check it out). And it was the most Minnesotan voice I've heard in a while; obviously some sweet old lady volunteering for the SPCO. I was suddenly transported back to college, chatting with the dining hall ladies in their funny hats who always made me feel like the world must be overflowing with grandmas.

She quickly assured me that she wasn't trying to sell me anything, yada yada... I interrupted her to say that I love the SPCO but no longer live there, and she apparently was sitting in front of some magical technology that made her exclaim "Oooh my goodness! You live in New York City now! Oooh my!". I replied, "yes, though I'm actually moving to Vermont soon..." (I guess I can't resist telling the world)... and she proceeded to commiserate about ("oooh yaaaah") how tough it is to move but how beautiful Vermont is, and assure me that she was sure I am supporting the arts wherever I am and that's obviously a wonderful thing, and closed by wishing me very well on my move and new path in life.

I miss Minnesotans.

If nothing else, they make the gosh-darn best telemarketers this side of Delhi.

the longer version

Welcome to my blog (wow... never thought I'd say that).

Since you're here, it means you already know the short version. Thanks for coming over; make yourself comfy.

Some of you knew my news, some had heard of the possibility, and some may have fallen off your chair from shock. I wish I could call everyone individually, but there are just not enough waking hours in the day.

After two years in New York City working at American Jewish World Service, I have decided to leave for greener pastures - literally. I will be moving in March to Brattleboro, Vermont to work at the School for International Training (SIT) as a Study Abroad Coordinator. I will be responsible for admissions, preparation and academic/logistical support for undergraduate students from around the U.S. going on SIT's semester-long study abroad programs in Ecuador, Nicaragua, Panama, Mexico, and Montserrat. If you want to know more about SIT, see http://www.sit.edu/studyabroad/.

I'm told (though this is unsubstantiated) that they literally coined the term "study abroad," and it's one of the better-known and highly regarded organizations in international education. I'm very lucky to get this position, especially because it allows me to do a kind of work I am really committed to and to live in a place that makes me really happy. (And after two years there I can pursue a Masters degree - they have eight M.A. programs - for free.)

I truly love my work at AJWS, and leaving is in many ways the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Working there has allowed me great opportunities to learn more about service-learning and international development, to travel, and to connect with absolutely amazing people in and around the organization and the Jewish communal world. AJWS has in many ways defined my adult identity - starting the day I arrived in New York City in the summer of 2000 as a rising college sophomore to go on what is now called AJWS Volunteer Summer (then to Honduras and Israel for a month each). I dreamed then of somehow, someday getting to do this kind of work full-time, and here I am doing it not so many years later. I am leaving work I love, at an organization I love, that pays me well and gives me lots of time off. Yes, I have asked myself many times over the last few months if I've lost my mind for even considering this.

But even (especially?) work you love can be very stressful, and we all need balance. Unfortunately, it turns out that my trepidation about moving to this concrete jungle was well-founded, and I've never liked living in NYC. The sources of balance I've found in the past couple years have made me very happy but also stretched me in too many directions, as I've left the city almost every weekend to spend time in western MA/southern VT (where Brattleboro is) or other greener, less-frenetic places (we're talking every weekend - I've spent maybe 10-15 weekends in the city in the last two years). I already have a whole community of friends (mostly through the dance community) where I'm moving to; I am so incredibly fortunate to say that this move feels less like starting over and more like going home (no offense to Normal).

There are wonderful things about New York City that I will definitely miss, but I really agree with everyone who says New York is a "great place to visit; wouldn't want to live there." Ironically, I may well spend more weekend time here once I move away than I do now, at least as long as my wonderful friends are here and they let me crash on their couches and get my fill of big museums and great international food. And then I will go home to Vermont, and I will shop at the local food co-op and go to the weekly contra dances and hike every day. This move is all about lifestyle, and I am very, very excited to try that one full-time. Believe me, this doesn't surprise you any more than it surprises me. Who ever would have guessed this was my path? Life really is a great adventure.

Thank you for making it all the way to the end of this, and please know that I miss you and want to be in touch (or you wouldn't be receiving this), and really want you to come visit me in Vermont! Please don't be offended if I seem to be a complete failure at communication (even more than usual) in the next month or two; I'm going to be traveling back and forth between AJWS and SIT every week to work half-time (but probably more, realistically) in each place in March, while trying to move and say goodbye to New York. It's going to be interesting. Sometime in April I'll be able to crawl back into the world and will hopefully have a lot more time for the phone calls and letters and emails that I owe you all.

Be well, and keep in touch.

p.s. Here is a quote, to keep things in perspective:
If I were absolutely certain of all things, I would be fearful of losing my way. But since everything and anything are always possible, the miraculous is always nearby, and wonders shall never, ever cease.
- Robert Fulghum

the beginning

So this is what my blog looks like. Huh.