fun with government agencies

The main task for today is to get the local police department (not the whole thing, just one person) to come to my house and look at my car. No, my car wasn't broken into, nor do I think it's about to explode. I need a cop to look at my car to visually verify the VIN (that's Vehicle Identification Number) and sign my application for Vermont registration so that I can register my car in the closest DMV office, not the one over an hour away. (I could explain why there's a difference in where I can go, but that would be boring, so I won't. You're welcome.)

Vermont Awesomeness, Example 1: There are multiple branch offices of the Vermont DMV. The main office is up in Montpelier (the only state capital in the U.S. without a McDonalds, by the way); the nearest branch office is in Bennington. There are also "mobile locations," one of which is in Dummerston, a little town right next to mine (why it doesn't just come into Brattleboro, the largest town around here, is a mystery, but as you'll see the Vermont DMV has a few mysterious practices...).

Which means (this is the awesome part): my local(ish) DMV office actually operates out of the back of a truck hanging out in a warehouse parking lot every Mondays and Tuesday.

Vermont Awesomeness, Example 2: The Vermont DMV customer service department. The experience of getting in touch with them contains so much awesomeness, in fact, that I can only offer a couple of the numerous examples I have from calling them recently. I am not being sarcastic. It's been hilarious.

For starters, you can choose whether to opt out of having your call potentially answered by an inmate in a Vermont state correctional facility. The first time I called, I did not opt out, and was disappointed to have my questions answered by a very pleasant woman named Candy who was not, in fact, a convicted criminal.

Then you have the fact that when I called the second time and found out that I could avoid going all the way to Bennington if a local cop would come verify the VIN and sign the form, the woman I was speaking with (jokingly) suggested that I make this request by calling 911 and reporting squirrels in my tailpipe (um, OK, it really was funny in the moment).

But the absolute best thing about the Vermont DMV is that the customer service line is open 7:45am to 4:20pm. Have you ever heard of a place that closes at 4:20? Not 4:15, not 4:30. I really hope that it is for the reason that first came to my (and, admit it, your) head - they're totally all going outside to smoke a joint.

Except maybe the inmates. This state isn't that enlightened.