reluctantly letting go of the day

There is nothing, or at least very little, as heartwarming as throwing a birthday potluck and having so many people show up - including two new/old friends who drove about three hours roundtrip just to be here for my potluck, which was just about the sweetest thing ever - that they pack several rooms of the house and excite the dog so much that they may never again find their shoes.

And having more people email and call to say they wish they could come, and others email and call from far away just because they remembered it's my birthday (and I say that as someone who is terrible with birthdays, terrible as in I'm still not entirely sure of my parents' birthdays and I am forever confusing the birthday of my lifelong best friend - we're talking about since birth here - with Pearl Harbor day, because they're both in mid-December. You'd think I'd figure out at some point, especially considering the entirely non-celebratory nature of one of those dates, but you'd clearly be wrong).

People came, there was good food and laughter and Quelf. Then I managed to hop to downtown Brattleboro with The Artist just in time to catch the last dance, and got a waltz with my favorite partner. I came back home and cleaned, which took all of maybe 10 minutes, because my community is the Best Potluck Community Ever and tends to leave potluck houses cleaner than they found them. And then I sat down and checked the nine - nine! - voicemails from people who called me this afternoon (thank you all! I was busy potlucking but I will try to call you back soon!).

What does it all boil down to?

This: I feel very, very, very, very loved. I am sure I haven't done anything to bring me anywhere close to deserving all of it, but luckily I guess it's not an entirely merit-based system. Anyway, THANK YOU. I have not, in recent memory, had a birthday anywhere near as wonderful as this one.*

*But please note: In 2011, I will turn 30 on the 30th. Please keep this date free, as there's going to be one hell of a party. Thank you.

clarifications

1) The fish are temporary. Especially the one that left us this morning for the Great Toiletbowl In The Sky (even though he got stuck in the pipes of the Lowly Toiletbowl In The Bathroom on his way out). The rest are leaving, apparently/supposedly once their real owner is finished moving into his new apartment. Also, I'm told the tank is supposed to be a little murky. Something about "natural tank environment" (does that sound like an oxymoron to anyone else?).

2) I will indeed be sick on my birthday - seeing as how it's now officially my birthday and I'm still officially sick - but not as sick as I was, so it's OK. Resting a lot and bombing my body with vitamin C and echinacea and zinc and resting some more has done wonders in 24 hours; I feel halfway human again.

3) I believe I have not yet stated for the record how excited I am about (baseball's) Opening Day this weekend. SO excited. Yeah, the Twins are supposed to suck this year, but hell, the Cubs are supposed to be great. And we all know how likely that is, so maybe the Twins will win the World Series. Because that is the obvious logical conclusion. Why? Well, go to your local bookstore right now and order my brother's new book. It will tell you.

4) I like birthdays because they are touchstones, an inspiration to pause and look around at life. And thanks to blogging, I can reflect pretty specifically on where I was and how I was feeling a year ago today. It's amazing to realize all that's happened in this year and how right the decision was to move here.

And that's all I will say for now because it's really late and I need to sleep so that I can actually be awake for most of my birthday.

where to begin?

I'm back.

I'm sick.

The week in the middle was really tough. The time on either side was good; the second part less so due to my being deathly ill and unable to wash my hands with soap regularly, much less practice good reactive self-care like sleeping a lot and drinking lots of tea and other good things.

Panama was amazing in its new-(yet-quite-familiar-)ness. There is so much more there that I want to see and hear and do. Next time.

Nicaragua was amazing in its comfort and the welcome I received from people who have very little cause to remember me, much less with the affection I felt from them. I am sure I do not deserve it, but it made the experience there worthwhile.

I'm feeling intense culture shock today that belies the very short period of time I was gone. I already miss speaking Spanish more than I could have anticipated. My feverish dreams today have been all over the geographical and linguistic map.

And, Goddamnit, I do not want to be sick on my birthday.

And if my housemates really had to replace my stereo on the table in the living room with an enormous fish tank, could they not have gotten one that doesn't look gross and smell bad? I swear, I can't fathom where they come up with these things sometimes.

resurfacing... briefly

Believe it or not, it takes an incredible amount of work and lack of sleep to evacuate 15 American college students from a small west African country. That's what I was doing, and that is absolutely all I was doing, for nearly the last two weeks.

Notes:

• I love my job, and I hate when it takes over my life, and unfortunately I don't think I get to have one without (occasionally) the other. That's a bummer. Not so much for me as for the people to whom I make commitments in other parts of my life, who I then have to cancel on. For the record, I'm not OK with prioritizing that way, but I don't know what to do about it right now. Suggestions?
  
• I recommend sticking to solving crises in your own time zone, if/when you have a choice.
  

Then I went away to the stunningly beautiful White Mountains of northern New Hampshire to learn how to treat all sorts of fun medical problems that might happen in the wilderness. I have to get Wilderness First Aid (WFA) certification in order to moonlight as a group leader on weeklong programs in rural Central America (yay!), which is not necessarily actually the wilderness, but there's nobody in this country who teaches "how to handle medical problems that come up in a small village in a foreign country where you may or may not have reliable electricity, communication, or quick access to a decent clinic." And WFA training was actually a great way to spend a weekend (because I'm a dork. Have I mentioned I totally love this stuff? Who'da thought?), role-plays-in-the-bone-chilling-rain and all, except now I need another weekend.

Because on Wednesday morning at 6am I'm getting on a flight to Nicaragua. Where I'll be for about a week and a half, and then it's off to Panama for a few days, and then I'm back and the month is almost over. Whew.

Clearly I am destined to live the month of March as if someone is leaning on the fast-forward button.