opportunities

I'm just back from a very intense, emotional, inspiring, challenging, and exhausting five-day training for the alternative spring break programs I used to run when I lived in NYC. Somehow, though I'm not sure how I pulled this off (aka got the extra time off of work), I am going to be a group leader for them this year, which I am thrilled about. I'm going to Nicaragua in March and somewhere else to be determined later in the year (aka when I have vacation time again).

The past five days were tough. Going back as an "outsider" to the programs I used to coordinate full-time, that I gave most of my time and heart to, laughed and cried and occasionally pulled out my hair over, was, frankly, weird. Seeing the ways things have improved, or not, was fulfilling and frustrating. Trying not to step on toes and jump in with answers that are still deeply ingrained in my brain because of the hours/days/weeks of thinking through forms and policies and systems from every possible angle (or so I thought) was a challenge that, frankly, I failed a lot of the time. I didn't have the emotional energy to figure out how to say things in the kindest way, and I think I put my foot in my mouth a lot. I felt like I talked too much. The energy we get out of things like this has much to do with the energy we bring to it, and mine was... uncertain.

The thing is, I feel like I've been moving 100 miles a minute for the past month or so, and had to drive just about that fast to get to New Jersey last Wednesday in time to see my cousin (who I haven't seen in years) for a couple of hours before she and her baby son (who I'd never met) boarded their plane back to Israel. And then there was the rushing to the bus to Manhattan and rushing to the office. I came into the training feeling like it was another task I needed to race through.

But you can't race through something like that, and you don't want to when you look around the room and see, truly, the coolest group of people you will have the privilege of sharing space with all year. And that's tough too - wanting to both reconnect with old friends and make new friends and learn everyone's life stories (because DAMN they are cool - the elite Ironman triathlete who passionately and creatively teaches middle school in San Francisco, the 23-year-old fellow Macalester alumna who has already led more wilderness and international group trips than most informal educators twice her age, and is certainly wiser than most of us can ever hope to be... etc., etc.) in the too-few 10-minute breaks scattered between intense learning and teaching and skill-building and policy-ingraining hours. There's just not enough time.

And that's sort of the problem I have with life in general, I guess - not enough time for all the cool things I want to do. Not enough space in the week. (Not enough space in me?) This is obviously a totally privileged problem to have. But it's still a problem.

One of my role models is a fabulous Hillel rabbi in San Diego who, much to my delight, was also at this training as she's decided to become a group leader after working for several years to run these programs from the Hillel side of things. As we were (hurriedly, of course) catching up, she mentioned her recent growing interest in mindfulness meditation practice, and how it's allowed her to be kinder not just to others but to herself, which is something many of us forget to be. And I have to admit that I'm not feeling very mindful or present or compassionate toward myself right now, and I'm not quite sure how to get there.

But as my friend pointed out, that's the great thing about mindfulness - every minute is an opportunity to practice.

juggling

I'm alive! Yes! It was sort of accidentally-on-purpose that I didn't post for over a week - reason #1 was that I want that shameless appeal for money (see below) to stare you in the face until you feel like you might as well go ahead and sponsor me, and reason #2 is that sheesh I have a lot of balls in the air right now, and it's pretty overwhelming, not to mention exhausting.

The interesting thing is, I need to keep a lot of those balls in the air at least through March, so I worry that this is quite early for me to feel so overwhelmed.

I wonder how the Myers-Briggs test describes a personality that is interested in more things than there are hours for in the day, easily over-commits to lots of big projects, and struggles with the details that make all the big projects actually happen. I would describe that personality as "mine."

freezin' for a reason!

It's that time of year again... I'm going to jump into the freezing cold ocean for a good cause, and I'm asking for your financial support. That's better than asking you to jump in with me, right? (Though if you're interested, we'd love to have you!)

What: the New England Network for Child, Youth and Family Services' annual Polar Plunge (by the way, that's me in the photo on the NEN homepage. My best side, too).

When: February 10, 2008

Where: the L Street Beach, South Boston, plunging into the Atlantic Ocean, which is VERY VERY COLD in February, just so you know. Last year there was ice in the water, and salt water doesn't freeze unless it's really cold. Did I mention it's going to be really cold? (The thermometer in the photo says the air temp was 20F at plunge time last year, and the wind chill was 4 degrees.)

Why: My dear friend Meredith works for DIAL/SELF Teen Services as director of the emergency shelter and support program for homeless teens in and around Greenfield, MA. Team DIAL/SELF has participated in this freezing event for the past two years, raising over $3,000 for DIAL/SELF. A smaller portion of the funds we raise goes to the New England Network's general fund to support other good organizations around Massachusetts.

I hope you know that I don't make this appeal lightly; I know you don't read my blog to be solicited. But this is a fun event and a great cause. Please consider making a pledge of support. If you are able to pledge, please make checks out to the New England Network and mail them to me (email or leave a comment to get the address) or pledge online. Thank you so much!

(The badminton rackets are each embroidered with a letter to spell out DIAL/SELF, in case you wondered)

also...

Average Massachusetts Mormon son, or slightly scary mannequin of a frat boy? You decide.

looking forward to tuesday

I'm sorry if the political posts get boring for some of you, but there are things I just can't help but point out, like...

(From today's NY Times)
Mr. Romney warned his audience that unless the Republicans put up a candidate who could counter Mr. Obama’s message of change, “the same thing that happened to Hillary Clinton will happen to our nominee.”

“He just trounced her there because all that experience isn’t what they wanted to hear about — they wanted to see somebody who said they would do something new and change Washington,” Mr. Romney said.

“And,” he added, “we cannot afford Barack Obama as the next president. He’s a very nice fellow and he’s a well-spoken fellow, but he’s never done it.”

Oh right... I guess I'd forgotten the Romney presidency.*

*Yeah yeah, I know he's talking about experience in general, not necessarily experience in the presidency. Fine, just remember that a lot of people in MA would tell you that the reason Romney didn't run for re-election as governor of Massachusetts isn't that he wanted to run for president. It's that he would have lost, because he was a lousy governor who lied about his ideology to get elected.

settling in for the long haul

The people of Iowa have spoken! And what they said is kind of weird, but definitely interesting.

Comments:

First, I must say that I've become more and more convinced that John Edwards is the best Democratic candidate. Why? Because he has plans. And he's angry about things that we should all be angry about, like unnecessary war, and poverty, and profit-driven healthcare and education. I like Obama, I like his optimism, and I really like that he's inspiring people to come out and get excited and involved. But I don't see proof that he is tough enough to not get eaten alive, were he elected, and I don't think he has the experience to be able to avoid finding himself with some really unfortunate bedfellows.

Second, haha, too bad for you, Hillary! I am thrilled that she didn't do all that well. Interesting, huh? I'm certainly in the demographic that is presumed to be Hillary supporters. But good Lord no. "Hate" might be too strong a word for how I feel about her... but loathing and revulsion capture it pretty well. There is no candidate I trust less.

Third, just to remind you, Mike Huckabee is insane and must not be elected President. (However, I have to say that I've been calling this whole "shocking" Huckabee surge for a good long while now. And even though I just gloated, I really hate to be right on this one.)

Now, as I sit approximately a quarter of a mile from New Hampshire, things are about to get even more interesting...

and note the source

I have been fascinated, even more than I would have expected, by the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. I have felt compelled to read everything I can find about what the meanings and aftermath of this event are and might be, for Pakistan and the world.

And I must say that it seems to me a very bad sign that a woman who, let us not forget, was in exile and had to gain special permission to re-enter Pakistan because she and her husband embezzled hundreds of millions of dollars from the Pakistani people was hailed as the best chance the country had.

But apparently she was, and that chance is gone. And while I am afraid cooler heads will not soon prevail in Pakistan, it is important to know that they are out there.

happy new year!

Have you made resolutions? I've already mentioned mine. Here's an idea: let's just be kind to ourselves and one another this year, and try to laugh a lot. Here's something to get you going.

Happy 2008!